To my furchild,
In a generation of texts and emails a letter is outdated, old and a waste. I however have written many, i love the feel and how real they are. The letters ranged from notes to love letters to letters to my cancer girl, and if that is not depressing enough (im so glad that she is still around) this is a letter of letting go, which i am not sure i am prepared to do just yet.
You had serious obsessive behaviours, mainly because i was so obsessed with you. I wanted you so badly I convinced my boyfriend (of 1,5 years) s parents that i needed to have you and they would have to keep you in their garden and feed you (i was a student and had no money). They agreed without a flinch or complaint throughout the years, for which i am so grateful.
I had picked you carefully amongst your siblings (the most outgoing that irritated her dad the most) and then one glorious morning Paul dropped you off. He said you were my belated birthday gift…….what a gift you were.
I needed to make sure you were looked after, so i stopped going to classes to be there for you. i wanted to do it right, which explained the failed module in first year and the crappy marks in general. None of it mattered, i had you. Puppy classes at 8 in the morning on a Saturday were a little more challenging for me than for you. But we both cried ourselves to sleep when you had to sleep outside for the first time.
There was a time i thought id loose you when you were 4 months old and got stuck in the gate……..thank god for your daddy and granny that got you out…..talking of out, your first outing was to watch your daddy race at zwartkops, it was so hot and i had no water for you…….you forgave so easily.
Leashes are to restrain, but you knew it meant going to the park or an interesting new place, so that you took the leash and walked to the gate yourself. To get it on you then was still easy, to walk you with a leash was hard……until we discovered running and i finally adapted to your natural pace (let me tell you it was fast).
You were irritating but caring (morning licks to make sure we are ok, yet too early), naughty (eating the little miss sunshine dvd, she was no competition for you anyway) cheeky, when you d consider my yelling not to run towards the bride at the the park in a white dress and decide to do it anyway, sleeping funny on your back with your paws in the air or your paws crossed in front of you like a princess. You were my white shadow i could rely on being there……this is no more and i dont know how to deal with it.
I knew i had to let you go ONE DAY……not now, not soon. I feel you stuck around for my last visit, knowing id still get time with you though we were unaware they d be your last. I had so many plans for you……….
Starting with physio to recover from the op (i unfollwed them again on fb, it was too hard)
Next year you were going to move here to me, i wanted you to see why i had been away so long and how amazing it is. I scouted out dog paths, fields and forests to run in.
You were going to meet your German family for the first time……..
One day you were going to be dog nanny to my nonfurchild and i was going to take those photos people take of their dog and child (child and child).
I unclipped that leash the last time when i put you into the cage at the vet, now i need to unclip it on an emotional scale and let you run onto the fields of gold knowing you wont come back…..
Cancer girl found a great quote :
_ The trouble is, you think you have time_ Buddha
You were the greatest blessing i could have ever hoped and wished for…….
I love you my pup and ill miss you till i see you again.